Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Just Different

I had a meeting last week with the school psychologist and special education director to discuss my child. Very stressful. As mothers, we always blame ourselves when something goes "wrong" with our child. Blame indeed.

That was Wednesday. On Sunday, I discussed the situation with someone who is close to my family and has a background in these issues. Someone who loves my children and presumably loves me. I assumed that this person would want to hear not only the "facts" as I presented them but also would be willing and interested in how I felt about said "facts." I was wrong. Dead wrong.

This person said that my expression of emotion made her uncomfortable and she wondered why I didn't talk to someone else instead of her. She also said, in what I interpreted as a patronizing tone, that I was "just different" than people she was used to talking to. My husband, who participated in the conversation and who is pretty typically male in his comfort level with emotions, said that I absolutely did not reveal too much, that I did not show too much emotion. He assured me that it was/is a very emotional situation and that he would have guessed that I was right in assuming that I could confide in this person this way.

We were wrong. I gambled and lost. I revealed "too much information." But I'm confident that there's not a mother in the universe, at least one that is currently mothering young children, who would find my comments TMI.

It's frustrating to say the least. And it leaves us feeling like we have one less person with whom to confide. One less person who we trust. And one less person who we can count on in times of family stress.

It is a sad, sad time for us.


Fairly Odd Mother said...

Hi Kristi,

First, thanks for stopping by my blog.

I'm sorry this happened to you. I've found it very hard to find people I can really confide in since I had children. I tend to rely on my sister, my mom and old friends vs. anyone I've met in the past 6 years. I don't know what changed since I had kids, but suddenly, meeting people I can trust with my heart has become incredibly difficult. Again, I'm sorry, but you aren't alone.

Crystal said...

hmmm. sounds like it is best that you found out about this person when you did. I agree with F.O.M. that since I have had children a lot of my relationships have changed.
Sometimes, most times, I have learned not to to share too much with those without kids, because they REALLY don't understand the emotions involved and they really can't I guess.
Don't be too down from this burn.

Mary Alice said...

I am sorry you felt betrayed. I too have few confidants at this point. Many acquaintances but few true confidants. I feel that I have to have someone who understands and shares my personal philosophies before I pour out my heart. And true, even those people who are educated in child development and who work with children, but do not have their own, cannot comprehend the emotions involved in parenting.

That said; do remember that this may be an isolated incident. You may not know things that are going on in her life that leads her to shy away from TMI at this point. Maybe she usually would be receptive but cannot because of influences you are not seeing. Just a thought.

my minivan is faster than yours said...

You know what's so sad? I bet you would've received so much love and support had you shared on your blog than you did from your own family member. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

I don't even know what you told her and I guarantee you didn't share too much. What does that mean, anyway? Itell my friends EVERYTHING, to my husband's discontent. We're here if you need us!

Jen M. said...

The person you shared your feelings with is missing out on so much. I feel sorry for her or him. Truly. Your friends love you, we love your kids, and minivan is right - you WILL get more support from the blogosphere.