So it seems like all I talk about anymore is poop.
Sigh. Such is the wonder that is my life. Oh, the treasure. Oh, the joy.
So last night I had agreed to babysit a friend's two children overnight. On a school night. Yeah. I'm nice like that. She's in Nepal for 5 weeks helping out in a little health care clinic. She and some colleagues wrote a grant and it was approved. Now she's working on an awesome project and getting nursing school credit for it too.
And once again, the stay-at-home mom friends come to the rescue. Those of us who are not out saving the world. Or rather, those of us who are saving the world one poopy mess at a time. I mean, does anyone out there realize how much us stay-at-home moms contribute to the GNP? I digress. That's gotta be a post for another time.
Anyhoo. I agreed, because her husband works nights, to take her kids a few times overnight while she's away. Other friends are pitching in too.
So last night as I'm yelling at the kids to get their pjs on, I smell something awful. Since I have two dogs, whenever I smell something like that smell, I naturally assume it's them. I searched high and low for dog poop and couldn't find any. Then I entered my bathroom and saw poop in the toilet, a poop smear going across the toilet seat, and a lovely amount of poop smeared all over the rug in front of the toilet.
I immediately started screaming. "Oh my God, what is this?!?!"
The kids, all four of them, the ones who had repeatedly ignored me whenever I made a request for their attention earlier in the evening, all ran to me. And then their mouths gaped open as they stared at the mess.
It was awful. We're not talking a couple of smears here. We're talking a whole turd's worth of poop "fell" out of the toilet and was smeared into the rug below. Eeewww.
After much cajoling and promising not to beat the offender, one child (not my own) admitted that he had indeed pooped in the toilet. And had "forgotten" to flush. But he swore up and down, with his huge sweet brown eyes that when he left the room all of the poop was still in the toilet.
One child then suggested that "the dog did it." Yeah, just like the time the dog ate my homework. This time, the dog ate a child's piece of poop? Dragged it out of the toilet and smeared it on my rug?
I'm not buying this story. Let me tell you why.
First of all, my kids never flush the toilet. It's like they believe they'll get sucked down into it if they do. And they always leave the lid up.
I know. It's disgusting.
And our dogs have never, not ever, once dragged poop out of the toilet.
I mean, I know dogs can be gross. I'm not naive. Our old dog used to steal poop out of the cat litter box and eat it. But our current dogs have been with us for almost 3 years and have never dragged poop out of the toilet. I wouldn't put it past them, but since we don't have cats anymore, I have no idea if they'd steal poop from a cat box. All I know is that they've never dragged kid poop out of the toilet.
But did they do it last night? If the children are to be believed, they did.
And if they didn't, then what exactly happened?
All I can say is thank God for Clorox wipes and Target's cheap prices for rugs.