Happy Santa Lucia Day

My children are learning about St. Lucia in school this season.

Santa Lucia was a young, Italian girl who believed strongly in the Christian faith. At the time, Christianity was banned in her country. When her mother became ill, Lucia persuaded her to make a journey to a Christian holy place. Lucia's mother was miraculously cured, and in gratitude, Lucia decided to give away her wealth. Later, Lucia was put to death by her government when they realized she was a Christian. Centuries later, Lucia was declared a saint by the church. The name Lucia means "light" so she became the saint of vision and light.

The Saint of Vision and Light. I like that.

In Sweden, it is the tradition that on St. Lucia Day, the eldest daughter in the family wakes before everyone else and, wearing a white gown and wreath of lighted candles on her head, prepares and serves sweet cakes and coffee to each member of her family. It is said that she brings "good will and light to the long winter's night."

My eldest daughter O, of her own volition, decided to "practice" being St. Lucia. Each and every morning this week, she woke before the rest of us, while it was still dark, and poured the coffee and presented us with treats. After a couple of days of this, J joined her as her "maid."

So sweet.

Guilty....Once Again

Our new routine is that O's alarm clock goes off 10 minutes before she needs to get into the shower. We do this intentionally so that we can get 10 minutes of snuggle time in my bed before we need to get up.

As we snuggle in bed early this morning, O says the sweetest things to me.

As she says them, I alternate between....

saying to myself, "Remember this conversation so you can blog about it," and

saying to her, "Honey, please. Shhh. We only have a few more minutes to sleep."

And now, do I remember the conversation? No, I don't.

I only remember how I shushed her when I should have been enjoying her.

Enjoying her, dammit. It's going by so quickly. I should be enjoying her.

Why can't I remember that? I alternate between trying to remember so I can blog about it? and shushing her so I can sleep an extra 10 minutes? Are either of these good goals or intentions? No, they are not. Did I even acheive either of them anyway? No, I did not.

This is so pathetic I can't stand it.

Sigh.

Small Regrets

Most of the time, it's the small things I do that I regret. Sure, I have some bigger regrets, but the small things are the most likely to nag at me. I guess it's because the small mistakes are the ones that are easiest to avoid and yet, I still manage to make them. Sigh.

Here's something that happened this morning. Keep in mind that I'm always, always rushing on a school morning.

Child: (sweetly) Mom, what's wind?

Mom: What?

Child: What's wind?

Mom: (slightly agitated) What?

Child: What's wind?

Mom: (slightly more agitated) What's what?

Child: (still sweetly) Wind.

Mom: (still agitated) Wind?

Child: Yes.

Mom: (quickly) It's air that moves through the sky. Now, what do you want in your lunch?

So guess what Mom is doing right now? Yep, you guessed it. Looking up "wind" on Wikipedia and printing it out so that I can read it to the Child when she comes home from school.

Yep, making it up for it.

Hmm. I wonder if there's such a thing as a "wind" shaped popsicle?

Fabulous Day

Oh, the difference a day can make!

First, J had a play date with two of her classmates, two girls. I got to enjoy a full car ride of singing, and giggling, and little girl talk. I literally said nothing the entire car ride (and those of you who know me know that this is quite a feat in itself as I am usually probing my children's friends for information about what happened at school) and I just sat back and enjoyed the happiness of these precious girls.

Second, and most importantly, I received an unexpected, and extremely wonderful phone call. A family member, someone close to my heart, read my yesterday's post (Just Different) and called because he was bummed that I was sad and just wanted to check in and see how I was doing. He assured me that we were loved and that if there was anything we needed to talk about then we should definitely call. And he reminded me that family members are the ones we are to trust in times of stress and that no matter what I said, no matter how emotional or seemingly irrational, I should feel comfortable expressing these feelings.

Oh, the relief! I definitely felt love today.

It was a good day.